A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Whats funnier than a dead baby?... a dead baby dressed as a clown whats funnier than that?... A pile of dead babies dreesed as clowns Whats funnier than that?... that the baby in the bottom of the pile is alive.

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Q: What do you call four black guys hanging in a barn? A: Farm tools

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a jewish duck trips over a series of metal corckswcrews and proceeds to die of ADHD the answer is 4

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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizza is not human, Jewish people are.

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Did you know that if you took all the elephants on earth and lined them up in space, that all the elephants would die???

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Once upon of time, there was an ugly duckling. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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Why did the little girl stop riding her bike? She was hit by a car.

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Why did the priest blow a kiss and waved to the little girl? She was his daughter. Why did the daughter's mother call the cops on the priest? Child support

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Pete and Repeat were sitting in a boat. Pete fell off. I hope he was wearing a personal flotation device.

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How do you shoot an eagle? You don't. The eagle is going too fast for you.

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How many Haitians does it take to change a lightbulb? Typically one, unless the light bulb referenced is in an inconvenient location or is over-sized / industrial grade.

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How do you make an anti-joke offensive? Add racism to it.

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A Higgs Boson walks into a church, and the priest says, "We don't allow Higgs Boson's in here," and the Higgs Boson says, "But I thought Christianity promised acceptance to everyone who believes."

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This joke is the worst joke ever.

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A: I slept in your mums bed last night. B: don't care dad

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Q: Why did the crazy man stare at the orange juice container? A: Because it started talking.

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What's blue, white and red all over? Not a duck.

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My Penis is so big. How big is it? If you lay my penis down beside another similarly lengthy object, approximately 10" long, it would most likely surpass the length of the object you chose to measure it to.

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A duck walks into a bar.... Duck: Can I have a glass of water? Bartender: How would you like to pay for it? Duck: Put it on my bill

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What's black and fast? A treadmill.

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Why are black people so good at basketball because they can jump shoot and steel

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What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

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Q: What's the difference between a black man and a park bench? A: A park bench can support a family of four.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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