How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Parkinsons, ;oshgfs;jgbRHG

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Q: There is an Elf King, King Kong, and Godzilla all on the empire state building. Which one jumps first? A: None, because none of them exist.

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A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. One day, he finds an old lamp. When he rubs it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You have freed me. As a reward, I will grant you three wishes." The man smacks himself in the face and mutters, "Oh god, I'm seeing genies now. I must be delirious from lack of food and water." Several hours later, he dies.

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An asian, mexican, and a black guy walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "get the hell out"

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I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

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A man walks into a bar, drinks a few beers, then calls a taxi to take him home because he knew the risks of drunk driving.

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you wanna hear a good anti joke?, so do i

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shit is shit, even if you paint it purple; its still shit

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What did the frog say when it was attacked? Ribbit.

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a pope and a catholic priest walk into a bar... the priest orders... then the pope says to the bartender "I'll have what hes having." so the bartender takes out a small child and says ...."are you sure?"

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What did the horse say to the cow? Nothing because animals cannot speak.

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Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 is right behind 7 and he's naked.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Beat her with a spatula while in a mankini with a dildo up your ass!

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Why does Suzie like to wear sunglasses? Because she's blind.

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Rsoes are geern Voielts are ornage I'm colorbilnd and Dixlesic.

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

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Hey I'm a poet and I didn't even realize that I was a poet

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, but if the ladder is shaky, you might need another to hold it up.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Nothing. His parents are dead and Santa doesn't exist.

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When is Florida not the sunshine state? At night.

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Justin Bieber tries to get into a club but is not allowed because he is to young.

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Did you hear the one about the nascar driver who couldn't pass his road test? No. It's true, he couldn't pass his road test.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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