Guy A turns to Guy B and says, 'Hey, can I use your cellphone to call my mom?" Guy B nods and says, "Yeah, sure, just press redial." Guy B had been planning an surprise party for Guy A and had called Guy A's mother for ideas.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the male propagate the female? Because he was drugged. Slyly, this foxy female had slipped the male the date rape drug and a dangerous amount of viagra. During intercourse, the male ripped a gaping hole in the female's stomach and killed her. He woke up confused inside a dead stinking corpse.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Breaydn Simmons walked into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did Hitler get for Christmas? Some shoelaces for his shoes so he could tie his little knotsies.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A: Knock, Knock B: Whos there? A: Noone, the door and the visitor are both existential figments of your imagination.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I really want to wear my Christmas leggings Actually I lied about the leggings, they're tights I love anal

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A horse, a duck, a pig, and a mus lim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the mus lim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the mus lim that he's keeping company with a swine, and the mus lim feels offense for the poor horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man says "I'll have some H2O." The second man, quite thirsty, says "I would like some H2O too." The second man dies because the bartender is a serial killer and gave the man the hydrogen peroxide he ordered. The first man is killed with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Joe: Will you remember me tomorrow? Mack: Yes Joe: Will you remember me next week? Mack: Yes Joe: Will you remember me next month? Mack: Yes Joe: Will you remember me next year? Mack: Yes Joe: Knock knock Mack: Who's there? Joe: See you forgot me already! Mack: No I didn't Joe, I thought you were going to tell me a knock knock joke. :/

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the smoker die at a petrol station? He had lung cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red, violets are blue, so is my face, I'm constipated

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Your mom came to my house last night. We played chess.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

My dad calls me a son of a bitch and I'm like "hey! You married her"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A blonde was very smart, and nobody made fun of her when she sometimes made small mistakes like every other person regardless of hair color.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why can't Michel Jackson play chess? He's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Columbine Massacre

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Woman: do u want to watch Snakes on a Plane? Man: sure, what is it about? Woman: It's about a horse on a boat

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what do you call a cross between lasagna and a human. weird

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did john have to have back surgery He needed his back "screwed" up

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Yo mamas so fat she is obese

thumb_up thumb_down +14

it's funny because it's funny

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why couldnt Jimmy ride a bike? refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops