What did the the White blood cell say to the bacteria? Nothing. Its a cell. It goes through phagocytosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats? There is a series of boxes which one can choose to check on a ballot, officially registering an individual with a certain party. Available parties include the Green Party, The American Communist Party, The Republican Party, and the Democratic Party among others. Republicans choose to check the Republican box, Democrats choose to check the Democrat box. Also Republicans are closet homosexuals and Democrats are terrorists.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Mr. Krabs lives in bikini bottom (pinch pinch)

thumb_up thumb_down +10

When you give your homecoming date flowers, you're really handing them a bouquet of sex organs

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What happens when your first name is Newton? You get nicknamed NEWT

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why didnt Jimmy go to school on Thursday? Jimmy is a vegetarian!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. Traffic was too backed-up so the chicken took a different route.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the little boy with cancer ask for from the Make a Wish foundation. A cure and to lose his virginity before he dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? It couldn't. Before it could cross, it was killed and then consumed by an average American

thumb_up thumb_down +10

no jokes left :( ill try to make some more the ones with nude in my comments is mine

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A tortoise went for a run. It took him two hours to get around the corner.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I touch my sons dick XoXo Wendy.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's old and baggy? An old bag.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What is white and can't climb trees? Powdered sugar.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call 47 black people dead at the bottom of the ocean? A terrible hate crime

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him, "Would you like a drink?". The horse cannot understand english and is confused by its surroundings. The horse gallops out of the bar knocking over a few stools

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was the black man tangled in chains at the bottom of the ocean? Because he was a highly skilled diver and environmentalist who tragically entangled himself and consequently died slowly and painfully of suffocation while trying to save a whale from eating waste metal.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

WARNING!: THIS JOKE MAY BE OFFENSIVE::: three mexicans wanted to cross the united states borders when they were greeted by a border guard with a gun. the guard tells the three mexicans that if they wanted to pass the border, they will have to do as he says, to which the 3 of them agrees. the guard tells them to go gather a pair of fruits, so like that each of them went their own way to go get some fruits. the first mexican came back with a pair of apples. The guard orders him to stick both of them up his ass and if he makes a sound, the guard will kill him. The mexican obeys and sticks the apple halfway when he screamed. the guard killed him. The second mexican came back with a pair of cherries. The guard ordered the same thing and told him the same thing. the second mexican made 1 cherry and a half when he giggled. So he died also. when he got to heaven, he meets the first mexican. to which the 1st mexican asks, "why did you laugh? that was so easy!" and the 2nd mexican responded, "i giggled because i saw the third mexican coming with a pair of water melons."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the fried chicken restaurant... BAWK BAWK cannibal

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Chuck Norris walks into a bar and the bar says "ouch!"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Relax, it simply would not be working out for you if your mother was nearby, you see, the subconcious is limited by the concious mind, so if your subconcious can detect your mother (or anyone but me nearby) your conscious mind goes "uh oh" and it stops. Oh, right, and considering you can still type, how about we increase the effect into... I dunno, six billion? Yeah six billion. Anyway, the next time you want to experience it, just poke your nose, and since we do not want you to poke your nose off, you only do it once and you can yourself decide when it ends, at this level you should not be able to type, but if you want to type you can of course turn it off.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: Doctor B: Doctor who? A: Doctor Johnson, i'm here to check up on you. How's the medication going? B: It's going well thank you, it's working. A: That's very good to hear. Hope you recover soon. B: Thank you!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Excuse me, do you have any gnats? Yes, plenty. Thank you

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops