What's scarier than a ghost? Ur mum.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What day comes after Friday? Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

whats in a red suit with a white beard and jolly......st.nick jerking of and blowwing a load in your stocking while taking a shit on you coffee table before theen hanging it back up over the fire place

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many people does it take to screw a light bulb? One, it's all the sex they can get.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

We have come to the United States in search of a just, and profitable land, but we have found a place of bigots and racists.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats as Heavy as a rock and also as light as a feather? Any object in space because the lack of gravity to give the object weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If Voldemort was gay who would be his partner? Happy potter

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the two prostitute say to each other? I dont know, i wasn't there

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? Due to a lack of awareness of its surrounding, it died attempting to cross the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q. Why couldn't the blind black guy read. A. He's Dead

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? No one knows because humans do not have the capability of accessing the chickens brain to receive their knowledge and what they were thinking about in the past.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you kill a dead baby? You can't, it's already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Your momma's so fat, she's at risk of a number of cardio-vascular problems, including high blood pressure, leading to heart disease, stroke, type II diabetes, and a premature death. She also has an elevated risk of contracting cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats he difference between a rock and a dead baby? I'm not spemding the rest of my natural life in an insane asylum for eating a rock!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

greetings ZOE. WHAAA BANNANNAS ROCK MAH WORLD. WHY DID THE TRAIN CRASH? ....BECAUSE THE CONDUCTOR WAS A PIECE OF CHEESE! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. WELL LOVE YA CHICAS. PEACE AND BLESSINZ. SALUTATIONS, isabel.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did Batman tell Robin when they got to Gotham City? -Robin, we got to Gotham City.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A smart kid just answered a question in class, a blonde girl then says "Nerd, your always answering all the questions". The teacher then says "Hey thats not nice, he could be your boss one day." The smart kid quickly replies "Highly unlikely, i do not plan on being a pimp when i grow up".

thumb_up thumb_down +4

1st person: What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? 2nd person: I don't know 1st person: A Jew is a follower of the zionist faith and a pizza is a popular food invented in Italy and comes with your choice of several delicious toppings. 2nd person: But not all Jews follow zionism 1st person: Well some places restrict your choice of toppings. Whats your point?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: y does obama keep raising gas prices A: he dosent want anyone to be able to drive to the poles in november

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the caterpillar say to the robot? Nothing. Caterpillars do not have vocal chords and there are not, as yet, any truly portable robots capable of comprehending speech so to speak to one would be pointless.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops