What do you get when an elephant and a pig have baby? Nothing, mating between animals must take place between animals of the same species, thus making it impossible to cross these two animals

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Two friends sit down to dinner, the third is late so they eat him

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Easy, you get a phone with a recorder that rather than playing a "please leave a message after the tone", plays the same tune as if the phone was still not picked up. Now tell me here and now, because I wont waste more time on you, what part did you play in this? Jenny Chatterton? Another one of your pseudonyms? What the fuck did you think would happen? You live in the Uk, london, so, tell me everything, or I will share every single detail here.

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Your mother is so ugly corrective surgery would not be able to improve her appearance

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knock knock! who is there? its knock! knock who??? knock knock... who is there.... i told you its knock... knock who??? knock knock... WHO IS THERE!! OMG I TOLD YOU ITS KNOCK! KNOCK WHO!! WHO IS KNOCK! KNOCK KNOCK OMG WTF! HOLY SHIT WHO IS THERE! ITS KNOCK WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER OUR WHOLE LIVES! KNOCK WHO?? KNOCK KNOCK WHY DONT YOU REMEMBER ME! oh knock knock from next door! who is there???? jk.. knock...knock......omg put down the gun knock knock stop i love you knock its not worth it!! NO KNOC!!! GUNSHOT* KNOCK NOOOOO!!! I LOVED YOU SOMEONE CALL 911!! OMG KNOCK WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH KNOCK WHY!!!!

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What did Britney Spears say when she got to Paris? "Oh my God, we're in France!"

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Q: Why didn't the dirty man jump into the shower? A: Because he spotted the potential danger to jump into a slippery shower and proceeded with caution.

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Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 is right behind 7 and he's naked.

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Knock Knock ************************** No-one's home

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What happened to the house that was made without concrete? It fell over.

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What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys. The owner of a basketball team

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side

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whats black and strange a paki

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So Nero, do we tell people your comments are all containing codes and stuff so we can stay in touch?

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What do you call a person who drinks beer a lot? Alcohol abuser.

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Why can't you get a pterodactyl use the bathroom? Because they're extinct.

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why did the zombie eat bob because bob was delicious

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Adolf the Red-Nosed Hitler

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being raped by your uncle

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Wow you look beautiful in that picture..... Let me see your tits. Sorry, I thought I was still texting.

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drugs.

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What do you call a guy with a bomb strapped to his chest flying a plane? A pilot with a bomb strapped to his chest

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Knock Knock Who's there A girl scout want to buy some cookies to raise money for my cardiac surgery?

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Where is Sally hiding? She was kidnapped and has probably been murdered, I lied about her hiding.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops