What did the man say when he saw his t.v. floating in the middle of the night? I must be seeing things. By logic, televisions don't float. My weary eyes must be playing tricks on me and I should probably go back to sleep.

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How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ...get back in the kitchen, I'm hungry

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Why did the man have a finger coming out of his ear? He had a birth defect.

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A blind man accidentally walks into a gay bar. The bartender escorted him out and pointed him in the right direction.

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What's the hardest part about blending a baby? My dick

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Girl:Do you wanna hear a joke? Boy:Sure... Girl: jesus loves you

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why did the baby fall out of the crib? it was dead

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What did god say when he saw the first black person? He will do alright for him self

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Why does it take more than one squirrel to change a light bulb Why? Because they're so darn stupid

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What do you call a whale driving a plane? A horibble massacre.

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What do you call a man that paints on a his face and wears big shoes? Lady Gaga.

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Why did the man order a mail order Asian bride? Because he was caucasian which meant females of his race had unrealistically high expectations of a partner due to various materialistic overtones that are constantly portrayed in their medie creating a society of over entitled women who think they are owed the earth.

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What is the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One's fun to smash and the other is a watermelon.

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-Why didn't a girl cry after she fell down with her bike? -Because a handlebar pinned her lung.

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A black man shoots someone. He was a cop and he killed a dangerous man who attacked him.

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Whats greasy and long? Your moms chesthair

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Whats green and smells like ass? My ass. I lied about the green..

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just imagine like a whole dad no imagine like 1000 dads an army of dads ready to conquer

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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A teacher, a consturction worker, and an army general are on an airplane. The pilot tells them the plane has too much weight, and if they don't each drop one item then the plane will crash. Realizing one item each is obviously not enough weight to throw off, the teacher and the construction worker team up and throw the army genral off the plane. They land safely, and live the rest of their life haunted by their vile actions.

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What was Helen Keller's favorite activity? fingering herself...

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What happened when the blackman saw the white man. they both said hello

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Why did spock look in the toilet he was concerned with his poop

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roses are red leather is black when god made you he was smoking crack

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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