Friends are like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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You are in a room with hitler and bin Ladin. You have a gun with 1 bullet. Who do shoot? Don't worry you don't have to make that decision. They are already both dead

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "What will it be tonight?" He then promptly remembers he is on anti-joke.co but is too late to react. The horse has already shit on the floor. This is the fifth time this week that this has happened.

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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizza is not human, Jewish people are.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the KFC man was chasing him.

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what did the woman say? 'duhhh, i don't have a penis durr durr' (By the way, I'm trying to be not misogynistic, please let me know if you find this misogynistic in any way)

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Obama being reelected.

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Whats blue, fuzzy and has little red dots all over? Beats me...

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You are so ugly that when you were born the doctor didn't say anything to your mother because he has social manners.

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What's worse than having to tie one of your shoelaces after walking 5 miles? Getting a 56 year old mixture of blood, urine and sperm injected in your asshole.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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The woman says : OMG I am so hung over!! The man next to her has Terrible tourertts turns around and shouts I want my to make them hung over your face, her then moves away and rapes a apple of which he is eating, the woman turns around and dies as she has a brain tumor

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If I have 12 backpacks and Jimmy has 91 pancakes, then how many marshmallows can cover the roof of this building? Purple. Because Aliens don't wear hats.

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What is the difference between 10 dead babies and a 1,000,000 dollar car I don't have a 1,000,00 dollar car

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How many pastry chefs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. It's a fairly simple job.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy had cancer.

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Why did the portuguese fisherman take out a $20,000 loan with a reknown loan shark at exorbitant interest rates? He needed to buy a kidney on the black market for his drug addicted daughter who had also destroyed his credit score meaning he coudln't get a loan from the usual credit facilities such as banks and credit unions.

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What did the racist black man say to the white man? Nothing they both died in a car accident.

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What happened to the twins? 9/11

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Why did the baby stop crying? It had been smothered to death by it's sleep- deprived single mother.

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KENYAN HEALTHCARE kenyan water kenyan aids-free kenyan we dont have flies around us

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Ask me if I am a Truck Are You a Truck No

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? Using teamwork and coordination, each can place one foot on the seat of the stool, and using each other for balance and support, they can all stand on the stool. The fact that they are gay is prevalent.

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Jews

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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