Why couldn't Sophie brush her hair? She had Leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What would George Washington say if he were alive? "Help! im stuck in a coffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Who comes up with terrible jokes and then mentions the name of the person they are talking about like a bitch? Both of us, Dylan.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Yo mama so fat - - That your dad left her, and it's tearing your family apart

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's white and can't climb trees? Yogurt

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Harry to Voldemort: Your mother is so fat, her patronus is a cake!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a fish without an eye? Impaired of vision.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's the best thing for a hangover? Heavy drinking the night before.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Once upon a time

thumb_up thumb_down +21

why do gingers have no friends? They are non sentient stems that are simply not capable of interacting with intellectual humans

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: What kind of bees make milk? A: None. Bees make honey, not milk.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why didn't Michael Jackson celebrate his birthday? He's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are red, Violets are blue if something smells bad, its gotta be you! Roses are red this much is true but violets are purple not f***ing blue!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A paraplegic wheels himself into a bar. The barman asks, 'What can I get you?' 'Nothing,' replies the paraplegic, 'I've just pissed myself and I need you to help me clean myself up.'

thumb_up thumb_down +21

what do you call a mexican in a coffee shop? a customer and/or worker in the coffee shop.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree It was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call Morgan Freeman at a family reunion? Morgan Freeman.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was hit by a fridge. Why did Sally fall off her bike? She was hit by a falling monkey and fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

who's a slut... you're mom

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Persond A: A guy blows himself and his family up with a hand grenade Person B: HEY!!! Thats not funny thats how my family died

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did a Blond do in the Desert? She got lost after Falling of a flying carpet

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops