My heart is in my hands. Call an ambulance.

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If Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee got in a fight, who would win? Chuck Norris, since Bruce Lee is dead.

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Whats funnier than a barrel full of dead babies? two barrels full of dead babies.

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver comes into the bar and gulps down the guys drink and the guy starts crying the lorry driver says "dont cry ill buy you another" thee guy sas "it's not that today i woke up late for work and when i got there i got fired and then when i went to go home feeling depressed my car doesnt startand so i walk home and i find my wife in bed with the gardener and so i came here to die but you drank my poison"

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jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know either, i'm just wondering why a chicken is trying to cross the road!

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Whats the difference between and ? Blue custard

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Hello, this is Chuck Norris speaking.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road? It didn't. Anyone who would believe that is a complete moron.

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What's black and white all over and has a mouth? A Zebra

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Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you get the shitty coconut ones.

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Why do migets laught when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.

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If you'd turn to page 43 you will find the homework. Have a good weekend!

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why bouriquet can not read is book ? cause he's retarted

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There was a man driving his truck down a dark road, half way down the road he see's a man walking alone. He stops beside him, winds down his window and says "Oi mate, need a lift"? The man replies "yeah sure, but can i sleep in the back of the truck"? The driver replies "Yeah sure" later on as the man is sleeping he hears a big bang. "what was that" the man asks. The driver says "Don't worry i just hit a cow, go back to sleep". time goes by and he hears another bang. "W-what was that". "Don't worry i just hit a moose, go back to sleep and ill wake you when we arrive". Few moments latter he hears a tick tick bang. He gets up and yells "What was that"? The driver replies "Dont worry mate i just hit a aboriginal" The man replies "What was those two ticks before that"?. The driver says "I had to drive through two fences to hit the bastard"

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Why did the father smash his sons head into the dentist's building? Because he had a locker in his mouth. Also, equestrian.

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yo mama is so fat she has more rolls than basken robins does flavors

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How do you make Jacob cry? Take away his xbox

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why was the child crying? because his friend just got hit by a van.

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Whats worse then hell? The guy who commited suicide would know.

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What's worst than realizing your mom is actually a transvestite? Simultaneously realizing this means you are adopted

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen. Its was her funeral

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Where does a king keep his armies? In his sleevies

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2 boys are going to get candy from the store. What happened? A robbery and they were killed

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops