A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why the hell does my sister shower in a swimsuit every time? Its not as if anyone is looking! ALRIGHT! ONCE ALRIGHT? ONLY ONCE! But then she hears the sound of my zipper ONCE and the shit hits the fan! Which is weird, yeah suuure she hears it when I pull it up, but when I pull it down and stroke it and moan? Nada!

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What is the crunchiest part of a Vegetable? It depends if by Vegetable you mean the food or the disabled human incapable of carrying out simple, daily tasks, in which case this joke would be referring to canibalism.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and so am I

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Why was the boy in the hospital? He was visiting his grandmother, she had cancer and the doctor gave her 3 months to live.

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Whats the differents between a red farrari and a dead baby? I dont have a red farrari in my garage;)

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That was slightly painful. I would appreciate it if you would stop such actions in the future

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what did the boy in the blue hat do? wear his blue hat

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What's brown and white all over? Chad butthole

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Why Do Black People Love Watermelon? Because Its A Delicious Fruit.

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whats up with that? i'm from jersy

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What's black and white and red all over? A bloody fight between a black and a white man.

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A black man and a mexican jump off a building at the same time, who lands first? Who cares?

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What do you do with a wombat? Allow it to freely express instinctive behaviour in its natural habitat.

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What is the difference between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney? One is President, the other is not.

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why did the kid die? his mom shot him

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Why did the Jew pick up the dollar on the side of the road? Because he dropped it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why didn't the chicken cross the road?!

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You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!

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I have a friend named David. He then lost his ID, now we called him Dav

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this is an anti joke so it has no punch line :D

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whoever just posted that stupid yo mama crap answer my comment

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Why didn't the cow go to the candy store It had diabetes poor cow :(

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How old was the baby when it took its first steps? That question is impossible to answer due to the fact the parents had an abortion and the fetus remained unborn.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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