If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? -Allergies.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? None they're dead

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call putting a toad in the microwave? Animal cruelty.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How many squirrels does it take to drive a refrigerator 10 quarts per elephant? Vanilla Cake

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

So, a man walks into a bar. His alcoholic habits are slowly tearing apart his marriage.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you get a bird off the roof you throw an ax at it

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's black, white, and can't turn around in a phone booth? A nun with a javelin through her chest.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A Jew walks into an expensive Hotel and orders 500 dollars worth of wine.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats old and has been alone for years. Your dead nan

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Dont follow this link.......http://www.google.com/imghp?hl=en&q=blue+waffle&tab=wi

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken saw some potential food across the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road A. Because he needed to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +11

so theres a plane, inside the plane are 500 solid bricks one falls out, how many are left? 499 What are the three steps to putting an elephant into a refrigirator? Open the fridge, put in the elephant, close the fridge. What are the four steps to putting a dear in the fridge? Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer and then shut the fridge. It's Simba's birthday, what animal isn't there? The deer. its still in the fridge. a lady is walking across a street, she suddenly falls to the ground why? Because the brick hit her in the face. (:

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why did the guitar player cross the road? to play his gig

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man goes to an amusement park. He heads straight for the roller-coaster and gets in line. When he gets to the front, the ride operator informs him that he is too short to ride. "You must be at least 48 inches, sir, you just barely miss the mark, I'm sorry, I can't let you ride." The man is sad, but he doesn't let this little discrepancy ruin his day. He then gets in line for a different ride.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a quadriplegic man at a museum? "Sir," unless you happen to know his given name, in which case it would be most polite to call him that.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

once you go Persian, there is no other alternative

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why was the 13 year old drug addict crying? Because somebody shot him in the foot

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What does a black guy and an apple have in common? They're both apples except for the black guy

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: What's worse than both of your parents dying in a terrible car accident? A: Sitting in the back seat with your grandparents.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops