what did the home less man get for chrismas? cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do friends and potatoes have in common? If you eat them, they will die.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man walks into a doctors office and waits for his turn. After his name was called he walked up to the doctor and told him that he kept having hallucinations. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic to help with the mans addiction to LSD.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

So three Jews walk into a Biker Bar. Despite the fact that is was a self-proclaimed "Biker Bar", the group of men inside were in fact rather open-minded, and had no issues with new members. They had a rich conversation, and frequented the bar thereafter.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

*knock knock* Who's there? ...Who's there?... *opens door to find a dead baby on the front door step*

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How many Jews can you fit inside a car? Legally somewhere between 2 and 9 depending on seat belt availability and passenger space.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A mum and a dad were having guests round for dinner. The daughter overheard them arguing. Dad was calling mum a b*tch and mum was calling dad a b*stard. The daughter asked them what it meant and they just said, "oh, it just means ladies and gentlemen". Later, when mum was doing her makeup, she dropped it and said oh "sh*t". Daughter asked what it meant and mum replked "it's just another word for makeup". After that, dad dropped the turkey and said "oh, F*ck!" Daughter asked what it meant and he replied "its another word for cooking". When the guests arrived, the daughter answered the door, and said "hello b*tches and b*stards. Mums upstairs stuffing sh*t on her face and dads in the kitchen f*cking the turkey".

thumb_up thumb_down -15

If a man is alone in the woods and there is no one there to tell he's wrong is he right? If a tree falls on a women.... Before we tell the rest why was there a tree I the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's the song that goes like, duh duh da duh duh duh da da do?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did blonde drown? As a child a child she never learned to swim since she did not enjoy swimming.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son, your mother and I once had those problems but we got through it.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Your in Thailand on a Elephant ride... at the end you jump off but uncle jack is still on the elephant and the elephant wont let him off.... Do you help your uncle, Jack off the elephant?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What does little Tommy and a tomato have in common? They are both vegetables. Oh wait, a tomato is a fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the little boy run away from the beach? Hurricane Irene.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why didnt little jimmy have a funeral? Because he is still at the bottom of the lake where I put him.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

two friends are hanging out, one says to the other "whats 5 plus 5" the other says, "you know i didnt finish school and i dont appriceate you making fun of me" the other boy looks away and walks off

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you get a baby into a bowl? Use a blender. How do you get the baby out of the bowl? Tortilla chips.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Oh NOES! She does worry about me! YOU MUST APOLOGIZE! Relax, the body has two sources of happy drugs, one is the sweet calm stuff I am really bad at, and the other comes with adrenaline and stuff, the name of which I do not remember, both are important, but yeah, I am a thrill seeker, and when I do not find them, I make a thrill out of whatever I got, whatever that means.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

2 guys walk into a bar but the third one has known about what happens to the third guy but since he is reading this in a newspaper and his unaware of his surroundings he walks into the bar anyway and feels very foolish.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what did one computer say to the other .........

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the limp dick say to the vagina? Is that rash contagious?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A 16 year old girl went into a bar. The police realized she did not have an ID, and arrested her.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

It's Christmas in Iraq. Merry Christmas

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops