What's the Green Lantern's favorite holiday? Hannukah

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: how do you get a live elephant into a refrigerator? A: you buy an industrial sized refrigerator from cost-co and then walk the elephant slowly but surely through the door. Q: how do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? A: after removing the elephant by means of walking out the door, slice the giraffe into small pieces approx. 1m by 1m by 1m and put those into the refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +9

why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead. why;d the banana fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

why was the boy sad? he had a frog stapled to his face

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A blonde, brunette and redhead are walking in the forest when they come across a set of tracks. The brunette says, "Those are dear tracks." The redhead says, "Those are elk tracks." The blonde says, "Those are moose tracks." They are then hit by bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the father leave work early on his son's birthday? He was rushed to the hospital after facing a severe heart attack due to a history of cardiovascular disease in his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats worse than a pile of dead baby's? Being raped by a giant scorpion. Well that escalated quickly. Also i'm gonna call the cops.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

roses are red violets are blue i just made you remember two girls one cup

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did Gary have severe learning difficulties? Because his mother drank a lot of alcohol while she was pregnant, and it harmed his development significantly.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the doctor say to the obese person? You have diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the polar bear say when he walked into a sauna? Absolutely nothing because he was a polar bear. I mean seriously, did I even have to ask? Everyone should know that a polar bear is an animal and he wouldn't say anything. If he did it would most likely be a growl or a roar. If you believed that he would have said something you obviously didn't pass the first grade. I finish with the fact that a polar bear would not survive in a sauna because they are accustomed to cold clima I guess this was just a waste of time.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Friends are like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the Mexican get arrested? Because he crossed the border.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the difference between Barney the dinosaur and Santa? Barney Loves you.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because this chicken had a mental disability and saw on the news that there was a hospital on the other side of the road that could treat his illness and possibly save his life, allowing him to fulfill his life-long dream of retirement. But knowing that chickens do not possess the brain power capable of understanding the situation that this chicken was in, it had probably gotten lost and just wandered off.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was strapped to the first monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why didn't the black man sit in the front of the bus Because he lives in a society where it is illegal and socially unacceptable for a person of African decent to sit in towards the front of the bus, near the driver, which is most commonly reserved for a person of European decent.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

how do you make holy water? you burn the hell out of it

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the fat guy say after his weight-reduction surgery? I'm gonna sue the clown pants out of McDonalds

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: What's the difference between Catholism and Judiasm? A: There are many substantial and vital distinctions between Judaism and Christianity. Of course, there are many similarities as well, primarily because Christianity emerged from Judaism. However, the emergence was not a direct line. Christianity broke from Judaism, forming a new religion, so it is misleading, however comfortable the thought might be, to believe that the two religions are essentially the same, or to see Christianity as the natural continuation of Judaism.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A shocking example of the cruelty suffered by animals at hands of humanity.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the fried chicken restaurant... BAWK BAWK cannibal

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops