If you give a mouse a cookie... ...youre ruining its natural diet. it might die.

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Faithful men.

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why did the shark bite the surf board? It thought it was turtle.

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What is worse than finding a real joke on Anti-joke.com? Starving children in Africa.

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"It smells like Up dog in here." "How do you know what the dog from the movie "Up" smells like? It's computer-animated and not real." "I...I think I have a brain tumor..."

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what does a deer and grass have in common? they are both green but i lied about the deer

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Well...here's how it went. It was a rainy Sunday evening. Seven felt like he wasn't cared for and unneeded. Two and Four tried talking to him, but that might have set him off. I just left a deli with my friend Three, and as soon as we leave, I see Seven, with a 45 to his head speeding down the alley. Causing mass commotion, he careens to the right a split second before hitting pedestrians. At the sight of that, I knew he was still in control. I call him on my smartphone and tell him to "Relax, park, and I'll meet you in a minute." I run up the side of the pickup, and lean in on the window. He pulls it down and I tell him that it isn't over, and that we DO care for him. One, Five, and Ten were run over though. Oh, and Seven ate Nine too. He was depressed when he did it.

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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Why was the woman crying? Because I hit her with a bat.

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dickdickvdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick

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Two pretzels were walking down the street when one got assaulted...

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knock knock whos there boo boo who? stop crying its only me! its not you, my mom has cancer, my dad was killed in a car accident, my pregnant wife has been murdered, and my uncle touches me.

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What is a pedophile's favorite thing about twenty-six year olds? There are 20 of them.

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Knock Knock Come in! :)

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whats the diffrence 2 gay people and 1 gay person? A 1 person diffrence

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Anonymous. Anonymous who? Exactly.

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How can you tell if a man has an erection? His penis is no longer flaccid

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What did the tourist in Africa get? AIDS

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "What'll it be?" The horse never replied.

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Ding Dong! Who's the - - - wait - - - I don't have a doorbell.

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womens rights

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What's worse than waking up with a hangover? Not waking up at all

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Why did the guy fall into the ocean? He was surfing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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