Why did the man run away from the cat? He was allergic

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whats long ,hard and full of sea men ? a sumureen

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Why are people so quiet at golf game? Because its such a boring sport.

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What's long, brown, and in the toilet? The chocolate bar I just threw in the toilet.

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I mustache you a question. But I'll shave it for later.

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what did the cat say to the potato? meow

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Where do cows go on the weekends? The slaughterhouse.

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why was the boy sad because he had a cat stapled to his face

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Whats worse being raped by jack the ripper or being fingered by captain hook

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why did Rihanna sing "to the left, to the left"? Because people usually sing in songs

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what do you call a toddler with a gun? uninteresting

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why was 6 afraid of 7 because 6 just found out 7 had genital herpes.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Dementia.

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What did the caninibol do when he duped his girlfriend He wiped

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How many blacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None we have mexicans for that

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding worms in your stool.

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why was the man walking in the kitchen? idk thats why i asked

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What did the homeless guy get for Christmas? Nothing, he's homeless.

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Two cats are sat on a window ledge. One cat looks to the other and says "Meoww".

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What do you call a baby in a blender? Child abuse.

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Guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink called "Vampire poison". The bartender gives him the drink. The man drinks it and dies. No he was not a vampire, he was just a man with a history of heart failures.

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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A man walks into a bar. He is then taken to a near by hospital where he is treated for a concussion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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