Wood is brown...... Grass is green...... Now what color are roses?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did the teenager turn in his work on time? He chose not to procrastinate.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A rapist leaps out a woman and yells "surprise!" and proceeds to have non-consensual intercourse with her. Later, he is arrested by the police and charged with sexual assault.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A boy walks into a bar. He wakes up in a hospital 3 days later with a bruise on his head. He asks the doctor, "What happened?" The doctor replies, "The bartender smashed a glass on your forehead."

thumb_up thumb_down -29

what do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in a mailbox? a horriffic murder

thumb_up thumb_down -29

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? where's my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What did they do with the drunken sailor? Gave him the sack, which meant he could no longer provide for his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did the boy run down the road? Because he was being chased by a tsunami

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Q: why is there always a window in front of the kitchen sink A: so when the woman is washing the dishes she can see the grass she is about to cut

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A black man a mexican and a caucasian were walking together. The black man and the mexican walked into a bar. The caucasian ducked. Not because his race makes him smarter in anyway, but because his friends shouted out a warning to him. All three then proceeded to the nearest pub.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did Martha Stewart's skin hurt? My friend has a skin condition :( and is dying, skin cancer is not something to make fun of.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's worse than finding a worm inside your apple? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did Sally sell seashells by the seashore? Because she has no arms and couldn't find a job.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Your mama sucks so much dick, it's not funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

why did billy fall on the sidewalk? he got stabbed

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's the difference between a brick and a baby? One is a fundamental item used in building walls and the other is a human

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Q: What's worse than finding a shrimp platter on a babys hand. A: A baby's hand on a shrimp platter

thumb_up thumb_down -29

yeyeyeyeye live action

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did the man crossing the busy road die? because he wanted to

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A dyslexic walks into a bar. He called it a bra because he was dyslexic and dyslexics misspell things. People laughed at him because mental disabilities are inherently humorous to them.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What is black and white and red all over? A multi-racial orphan who has recently suffered a fatal stab wound to a major artery.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

How do you kill a shark blindfolded? You untie the blindfold.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? -250.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops