You know what it means when a priest lays his watch down on a podium? Absolutely nothing

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke 'er face.

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Let them think that you are insane, vulnerable, and they wont bother leaking a lot of shit about you, this "shit info" will remain inaccurate and reveal weaknesses where there is none. I had to draw them away from you, but as soon as he began selling Intel regarding my missing eye, I figure our "not so friends in the unknown" would have eventually begun searching for "The one eyed man" among you. And had they not found one, they might just as likely made it seem as if there was one for the money. None of the thugs sent to attack me nor the "Nero decoys" where professionals, but those behind them sure are, considering that they paid these thugs more than what I make during a year. Gotta go pretty girl, hope we meet again in not so long. Moral: This is all a joke, get over it, Moral has left forever, mission complete.

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What did the girl say when she got her period? Nothing, why would she want anyone to know?

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A black man is driving a nice car when he's suddenly pulled over by the police. "Do you know why I pulled you over?" asks the cop. "No officer" replies the black man. "You have a taillight out. However I'm going to just let you off with a warning because you seem like an upstanding citizen. Have a nice day."

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i don't hate you because your fat ...your fat because i hate you

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The world blows up and everyone except for one man and his house make it out alive "Knock knock" "Whos there?" "Me" "Me who?" "Ummmm, its me, duh" It turns out the man was very bored and decided to go knock on his own door and tell knock knock jokes

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whats the difference between an orange and a bicycle? One has handlebars..the other one doesnt.

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Q: What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree? A: One baby nailed to ten trees.

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Why was the jewish boy crying? i lied he was happy.

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Q: What did the pedestrian say to the bus driver that hit him? A: Nothing, he died.

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you: have you seen the movie constapated them:no you:its because it hasen't come out yet

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What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? My ass

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What happens when a bunch of animals break into your house... they eat you.

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Why did Susie fell off the swings? Because she didn't have any arms or legs.

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Stat1st1cs sh0w 0ne 1n f1ve pe0ple d0n't understand b1nary

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What do you get if you throw a banana at the wall? Nothing.

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Why couldn't the fan turn on? Because it was broken.

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What did Selena Gomez say to JB? We're breaking up cuz u smell like French fries and you look like a poop

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what did the postman say to the dog, nothing he doesnt speak dog....... but his mother in law does.

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what did the surfer do on his computer? browse the internet

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Roses are red violets are blue, I have no pickup line, just Get your tits out

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How many moms does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They make you do it!

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why was the cream sad? he was frozen and turned into a popular dessert

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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