What did the cookie monster eat? Food

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and way, along came a spider who sat there beside her and asked, "Hey bitch what's in the bowl?"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? She wanted a tattoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what did the paraplegic get for his birthday? a bike...

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man goes to the hospital he says to the doctor while poking his leg it hurts here. Then he pokes his arm and here. Then his head and here. "Yes" the doctor says you've broken your finger.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Barman says to a horse at the bar ' Are you sad or upset?' Horse says 'No' Barman says 'Well why the long face?' Horse says 'Because I'm a horse'

thumb_up thumb_down +23

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says "What is this? A joke?" They then proceed to rape the barman.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's the difference between men and coca-cola? I don't like coca-cola

thumb_up thumb_down +23

"Knock-knock." "Come in, sorry that the doorbell is broken."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says "You have to stop masturbating." The man says "What, why?!" The doctor says "So I can examine you."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A Christian and an Atheist are sitting next to each other in a bar. C: Sad you don't believe in God, 'cuz you'll go to hell after your death. A:I don't believe in hell neither..

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Killing your friend as a joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

how do you know if an asian gang has been to your house? 1. your computer is unplugged 2. your homework is finished 3. they are still trying to back out of the driveway

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Your mama is so stupid she has an IQ lower than an average person.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender then looks down and realizes that the pirate has a steering wheel on his penis. "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel on your penis?" the bartender asks. "Arrrrrrr! It's driving me crazy! I just woke up one day and it was there!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon, it looks like it could be very harmful to your health and slightly uncomfortable. Not to mention your penis is out in the open." "You are right, what was I thinking?" The pirate agreed. He proceeded to get his friend to drive him to a hospital, for drinking and driving is not safe, and steering wheels on penises are not healthy.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? A: Shark bait.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Jack and jill went up a hill to get some water. Jack fell down, twisted his ankle, and continued to roll. He broke his spine and collar bone and he was later taken to the hospital. Later that night he died because the doctors couldn't do anything. Jill then killed herself in mourning.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did Sally have a headache? She had a Brian tumor the size of an eggplant.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you teach an old dog a new trick? Answer: You can't

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

how did superman die? he got cought in a plane engine!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you say the weekend in French? The weekend in French.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops