What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

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GOODBYE

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Q:What does a black guy say when you steal his fried chicken right in front of him? A:"please restrain from taking food that does not belong to you. If you had kindly asked i would have kindly given you some, and right in front of me too! In all my life I've never seen such rudeness and i grew up in the Bronx."

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Why did Kristi drop her chap-stick? Kristi was of the many children held in hostage of the Jewish heritage during the times of Hitler's wrath. At the Concentration camps they were not given the opportunity to maintain a healthy, average diet thus decreasing her body strength. No longer could Kristi hold her chap-stick - alas her frail little fingers slowly released the cylinder shaped tube and hopelessly watched it hit the ground. As it hit the ground, a cloud of dust swept over Kristi's body. At the same time Kristi was taking a big whiff of fresh air (just kidding, the air at concentration camps were not fresh - it reeked of acid) she accidentally inhaled the dirt which fled through her body and made her faint. She woke up and it was a dream, lol.

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy, but GET IN THE VAN

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What do you call someone like Sarah Palin? A tragic victim of America's flawed educational system. But hey! She learned one thing though! Russia is right in her own backyard! Oh wait that would be wrong unless her backyard stretched all the way across Alaska and the Bering Sea. So she didn't learn anything at all. OK she's just dumb

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If I were a cat, would you help with the toast?

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Why did the muslim cross the road? To get to the other Saiid.

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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Why did the dead baby cross the road? It didn't it's a dead baby!

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what do a black guy and a white guy have in common? neither of them are purple

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What's red, crunchy, and hard to chew. A brick.

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Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

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Hi rebecca , its me that guy over there. purple moneky blue dishwasher. aka JUMANJIIII

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Why did litltle Susie drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus Knock knock Who's there Not Susie

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Q. What did the girl on drugs get for Easter? A. Down Syndromes Disease.

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Q: What's pink and fuzzy? A: Pink Fuzz...

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What's purple and fuzzy? A piece of purple fuzz.

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Your mom is so fat, that your gonna get a brother soon.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhymming you have nice boobs

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Three Jews get on a train to Stockholm. How many get off at Stockholm. None. The train went straight to Auschwitz.

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A: When was rhe last time you touched yourself? B: A few seconds ago when I had an itch on my arm

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Roses are Brown Violets are Brown Whos been shitting on my garden??

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Why couldn't Little Johnny read his 3rd grade novel? His was repeatedly stabbed in his eyes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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