Whats black white and red all over? A decapitated panda.

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an irishman gets on facebook...he has 7 friend request

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A man is talking with his friend when suddenly he picks up a banana. He starts talking with the banana, and after a while of conversing the man sadly puts down his banana and says to his friend, "I'm sorry but your son has just died in a horrible accident."

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 20 years later he would gamble away his life savings and then go onto live a lonely and unfulfilled life.

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Q) What do you call a black president? A) Mr. President

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How many Jews can you fit in a one-person car? --One in the drivers seat, 30 million in the ashtray

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Jesse is so fat, his weight on his scale says " hahaha gotta love childhood obesity"

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Q: When you have alot of hair, what are you? A: Obease

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Roses are red Violets are blue You don't want to be my valintine I'm going to shoot myself.

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How can you outsmart Stephen Hawking? Steal the wheels of his chair and replace them with a dolphin.

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Wanna hear a joke about a baby with AIDS? It never gets old.

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How did the three girls get free drinks? Two of them were attractive and out of obligation to "the game" the third girl was also purchased a beverage.

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Your mommas so fat she jumped into the ocean and immediately had to start swimming.

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What happened to the chicken that crossed the road? It got ran over by a car!

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Whats so bad about all the black people in the world dying? The police would be out of a job.

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A man walks into a bar. It resulted in a concussion and 17 stitches.

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Why was the boy sad? I don't know, what do think I am? An umbrella? Why would you even think FOR A MOMENT that it's OK to just ASK me random stuff? Do you have ANY IDEA who I am?! I'm your worst nightmare, and if you ever ask me ANYTHING without permission again, or so help me I will drown the nearest pet goldfish. P.S. His cat died.

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What did the pencil say to the other pencil? Nothing, pencils do not have the ability to speak as they are an object.

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Three baby seals walk into a club...

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Why did the little hamster die? Because it had a careless owner who never paid any attention to it. therefor it passed away.

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Why did little jimmy fall off the building? 9/11

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-What did the policeman say to the boy? -Hello.

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Your d is so small that when you had a boner and walked into the wall....... YOU BROKE YOUR NOSE! Millimeter Monster bro

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops