What's purple, red, green and does jumping jacks. Nothing... that sounds pretty crazy if you ask me.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a brick.

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Why is life so hard? Because god isn't real

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If I were a cat, would you help with the toast?

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what did the chicken say to the other chicken? nothing, they dont talk.

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My granddad fell down the stairs the other day... Yeh, we didn't find it very funny either.

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what do you get if you cross the mafia and the yakuza? a hefty bounty on your head

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Why did the black guy not tip his pizza driver? Because he didn't order pizza.

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Tall asians

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How many blondes does it take to walk into a bar? One I guess. I don't know if I understand the question.

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Two guys walk into a bar. Whoops did I say bar? I meant Hiroshima 1945. They got radiation poisoning and died slow painful deaths.

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Q) What's worse than getting dumped by text? A) Getting hit by a fridge.

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How long does it take you to count to 5? 5 seconds.

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? OUCH! what's your door knob made of? nails?

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Why did Michael Jackson name his kid blanket? Because after years of drug abuse and sexual insecurity led to him thinking unrealistically during the birth of his children.

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A bear walks in a restaurant and asks for a table for one. Meanwhile, everyone else in the restaurant is freaking out because there is a bear in there

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Why did the man pee his pants? Because he was paralyzed from the waist down and had no way of feeling

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Roses are red Violets are? blue Lets eat poo I know you want to

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Why was the little boy inside the house instead of playing with his friends outside? His dad just died from cancer.

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Do you know what my Granddad said to me before he kicked the bucket? He said; how far do you think I could kick this bucket? Then he died.

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What did the man say to the other man? I have a large rod

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women's rights

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What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman? I don't know, I don't speak French.

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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