Why was little Jimmy sad? Because his mum died.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How did the fat man survive the plane crash? He didn't, he died like everyone else!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is black and burns really well? charcoal.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

jingle bells jingle bells,, bells were jingled!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why can't Hellen Keller watch Spongebob? She doesn't have the proper cable service

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal with lots of basketball players? Because they will be focussing entirely on discussing tactics (especially if there is an upcoming game), and therefore will probably not be displaying good manners or making polite mealtime conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did the man say to the other man he bumped into? sorry. and they never saw eachother again

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the boy eat for lunch? - His mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the clown fall out of the helicopter?? Gravity

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q. What did the Cat say to the Dog? A. "These humans are so jobless.."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? A godless abomination that violates every ethical standard known to man.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the Mexican cross the road? Because he needed to go to work to help pay for his dying daughter's cancer treatment

thumb_up thumb_down +10

WEED!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What are annoying? Ads.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the cat say to the other cat? Meow

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the horse go to the doctor? It had a heart disease.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many dead babies can fit in the trunk of my car? Seven.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Good afternoon.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was Timmy late for class? He got hit by a bus. Why was Jimmy late for class? He saw Timmy lying in the middle of the street, went out to help and got hit by another bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

a dyslexic made a dessert. it was a bit dry.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting yours asshole clawed by a grizzly

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's nappy,brown,intoxicated,and stealing my bike? A Blazed, black guy that stole my bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops