What is the black kid down the street getting for his birthday? Well first of all, his name is Pat. And he asked his parents for an Xbox that he will likely receive, and I assume a variety of other gifts from friends and family.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man goes to his doctor and asks: ""What is wrong with me doc? One moment I think I am a teepee, the next moment I a, a wigwam." To which the doctor responds: "I have told you several times sir; you have stage IV pancreatic cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

There is no "I" in "TEAM" However, there is a "T" an "E" an "A" and an "M"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do watermelons taste like? Sand.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

My friend was driving me home from a party, and was quite drunk. I was relieved that we did not get into a car crash.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Magic! Well not really, you see, people that are stressed have the tendency to remain far longer into the state of hypnosis because their body conciously and subconciously (I am typoing it, but I cant bother to type it correctly fuck it) seek out the state of peace that hypnosis gives more often. Anyway, I know another thing that helps relieve stress, cough... Now, did you know that if you push your nose upwards slightly, you will feel a finger between your legs? its because nerve endings are connected that way, give it a go.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Question: So, what do you get if you put a live dog, a dead cat, some sugarcubes, and your sisters panties (HORMONES OKAY? EVERYBODY KNOWS HORMONES EQUALS SPICE! Or something anyways...) In a blender until its all red and squishy? The hell I know, but put some Redbull in it, and its fucking delicious!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is purple and rhymes with apple? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q:Whats Brown and sticky? A:Maple Syrup

thumb_up thumb_down -17

yo mumma is so smelly i can distictly smell her more than her perfume

thumb_up thumb_down -17

how did the family die? They were shot in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Girls soccer

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a Fat man? You call him by His name because that's the polite thing to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A apple is red a banana is to never mind that joke sucks

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I am couler-blind, and poetry is gay

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why do gingers have red hair? Its genetically encoded in their DNA

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Yo mammas so stupid she has a profound intellectual disability.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's Kanye West's main goal in life? To dash the hopes and dreams of Taylor Swift on national television.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's worst than a holocaust 2 holocaust's

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Like to tell patrick porcupine to stop gaming

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one and it is politically incorrect to assume otherwise.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops