A man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie emerged from the lamp. The genie asked what his new master's wishes were. The man wished for asthma.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A dyslexic man walks into a building labeled, Bra. He then thinks he has found heaven but is suprised when all that is served is beer, not milk.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I'm a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Whats the difference between a black man and a banana? Banana's don't hijack planes.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did George Washington say to his men before they got on a boat? Men, get on the boat

thumb_up thumb_down +2

God made Coke God made Pepsi God made me, Oh so sexy

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why do black people eat Kentucky Fried Chicken? Because there is Protein in chicken and without protein their bodies would succumb to such diseases as Kwashiorkor and Cachexia.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A black man and his mexican friend walk into a bar. The black man orders a drink and the mexican gets soda. He is the designated driver

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than a dead baby? The corpse is chopped into little pieces And is put in a blender. Worse than that? An alive baby stuffed into a blender. Worse than that? Hellen Keller put into a blender. Worse than that? The holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

You wanna know what's totally out of this world? The moon

thumb_up thumb_down +2

In a galaxy far, far, away.... There were quasars, stars, and various sized meteors.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the racist guy die? Because the black guy stabbed him with a fork.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black I am blind

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the boy eat the worm? Because his parents were starving him, and it was all he had.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do a cow girl and an orange have in common? They all are fruit, except for the cowgirl.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

An automobile mechanic busted an engine fuse. A prostitute had oral sex with a Marine. An Inuit hunter detonated a sea mammal with TNT. What do they all have in common? They all blew a seal.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

An anteatter walks into a bar, the bar tender says "hey renee zellweger"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what can jump higher than a tree? anything that can jump because everyone knows that trees cannot jump.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it died. how did the second monkey fall out of the tree? because it was stapled to the other monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did one orphan say to the other? 'Robin get in the car!'

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops