A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 20 years later he would gamble away his life savings and then go onto live a lonely and unfulfilled life.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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sally was hit by a bus and lost both arms knock knock who's there? not sally

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I met a fat girl and fucked her on an elevator. . . It was wrong on so many levels.

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Erron who the hell are you? How many people are you going to use before you finish whatever the fuck is on your agenda?

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bronson watt walks into a bar.

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A Chinese man, an Italian man and a French man are sitting in a plane. They arrive in Los Angeles with a 23 minute delay due to atmospheric conditions

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What did the octopus say to the squid? Nothing, considering these two species can't speak.

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Why does Eric Clapton use a Mac? Because he prefers Macs.

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A bird flew into a cave and Batman said, "GET OOOUUUTTT!"

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It didn't.

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What has four wheels and flies? A pile of poop that's on four wheels.

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What's the worst part about being a black Jew? You have to sit at the back of the oven.

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How to confuse a dumbass: see next post.

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Yo momma's so fat, that she got baptised in Sea World.

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Adam Chebali has no life

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I pushed my friend off the bed after losing to him in FIFA 2011. He died.

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Why did the Little girl fell off the swing? A: Because she had no arms. And why did she fell again? A: Because her parents laugh about it and ride her again.

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what's the difference between dodo and doodoo doodoo is still around for you to see

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Knock knock who's there? Boo. Boo who? Uh, Boo Johnson, your next door neighbor. Forget it I'll come another day.

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What did the homosexual get for Christmas off his boyfriend? A lovely present off his loving partner.

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What did the P.E. coach say to the fat kid? you need to exercise

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Why cant a black person read? Because there is nothing to read...

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Your momma so fat, she's fat

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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