Q: What would George Washinton do if he was alive today? A: Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Turkey Balls

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Steven Hawkin ran a marathon.

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How types of people are there? One, we are the only homo sapiens.

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your mom is so ugly, when she throws a boomerang it doesn't come back

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Q: Why did the black man run from the chainsaw? A: Someone was trying to kill him with it.

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STOP BULLYING FAT PEOPLE. They have enough on their plate

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What did the previously pregnant teen flush down the toilet? Her beloved pet goldfish who recently died. She had already given birth to a healthy baby the previous year.

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Knock knock Who's there? Hi I'm John from the jehovah witness society down the street and I'd love to talk to you about your beliefs! Would you like a pamphlet?

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whats a joke... Parker Coffey at life

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What is big, eats cats, smells good, but looks like shit? A big, cat eating, good smelling piece of shit

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How do you catch a unique animal? You get professional hunters to catch the animal.

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Why did the Hispanic woman cheat on her husband? Because he couldn't maintain an erection, was boring, and collected stamps.

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What's similar between a yellow bicycle and blue potatoes? They both have weight.

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What's the difference between two elephants? One is dead.

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Boy: Excuse me, do you have a cigarette? Man: First let me see your ID. Boy: I don't have an ID Man: Well, how much money do you have? Boy: 50 cents Man: Sorry, I don't have any cigarettes. Boy: Good job, I'm actually undercover cop and you sir are a good citizen for not giving a minor cigarettes. Man: Cool, do I get a reward? Boy: Yes, you will receive a good citizen award and free $50 coupon. Man: Thank you! Boy: Can I have a cigarette now? Man: I wasn't lying when I said I didn't have any cigarettes. Boy: Okay, have a nice day.

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What did the Little 8 year old boy do when a big black man walked into his house? He said "Hi daddy", then they happily ate dinner together.

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knock,knock whos there? teddybear. teddybear who? a teddybear killed your family.

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Hey, wanna here a dirty joke? A pig fell in mud.

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Little Stephanie was up all night on Christmas eve excited for her new bike that Santa was going to bring her. After tossing and turning for what seemed like decades, the sunset finally arose and Stephanie ran down the steps to unwrap her new bike with the family. Immediately after she went down the staircase, she found her parents marinated in their own blood, with knife wounds all around their body.

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Why did the boy run down the road? Because he was being chased by a tsunami

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How many ants are in the kitchen? None. We killed them all.

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Women's Rights

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How do you know if there is a monster under your bed? Monsters are mythical creatures that, even if they were real, would be unlikely to sleep under a child-sized bed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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