Q: Why did the kid cross the playground? A: To get to the other slide

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A farmer has 17 sheep standing in a field and all but 9 drop down and die. How many sheep are left? It doesn't matter. A CIA sniper guns the farmer down, along with his family and the remaining sheep. The other agents move in and remove all evidence that the government is experimenting with a new nerve agent.

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

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Why did the kid poo his pants? Because he was Matt Daly

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You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends nose. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

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a man walks into a bar. He left after he drank two beers. Someone pulled his pants down and he didnt notice. when he got home he realized his pants were gone. He returned to the bar to search, but it was a metal bar, and he was fairly stupid. please dont laugh

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How many pianos does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to play a motivational tune.

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What did dick Cheney say to his friend that he accidentally shot in the face while quail hunting? Sorry for shooting you in the face

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Knock knock? Who's there? Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's who? Knock knock? Who's there? Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's who? Knock knock? Who's there? Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's who? Knock knock? Who's there? Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's who?

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y does byonce sing to the left? because black people have no rights

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What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody nose.

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What is a Will And Dan put together A WillDan HAHAHAHAHA

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why was the little boy brutally murdered? there was a serial killer in his town.

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If the blue dog falls out of sample object, how many bananas does my mom eat? No, because markers can't talk

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why did andy wake up this morning. because he wasnt tired anymore

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Why did the blonde fail her drug test? She's actually never did drugs before but since she didn't show up for appointment, that counts as an automatic fail.

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What is red and ragging? A Hemorrhoid

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Knock Knock Who's There? A rapist

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Many people believe that dogs are mammals. They're right

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Hey, I'm Schrödinger, and this is crazy! But here's a sealed box... the cat lives, maybe...

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whats worse than a chicken crossing the road 10 dead babies in a bucket

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how does chuck norris eat an apple Just like every other person

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What has stripes, isn't a virgin, and has golden hands? I don't know I asked you first.

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What did the doctor say to the recently diagnosed AIDS patient? I'm sorry there is nothing we can do.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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