if life hands u melons, make melonade.

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your mother is so fat that she got brain damaged from cardiac arrest and now needs medical care for the rest of her life.

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Roses are red Violets are blue We cant have sex I have ED

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Gawds Trololols: Jewsus: I die for ur Sins, now u are free! *argh* Gawd AD 3000: TIME TO DIE SINNERS! Jewsus: But I paid for humanity`s sins and am stuck in hell because of this and... Gawd: Meh just didnt really liek you TROLOLOL! Gawds Trololols 2 directors clit: Gawd: Jebus! (the third) I want you to trololol peeps now! GO! Jebus: As you see people, I have died for you in order to prove that I am immortal! Peeps: Uh, wow? Jebus: TROLOLOL! So dad, when am I gonna get back to earth again, I kinda promised my boyfriends/apostles that there would be a second cumming as you told me to do, and people have been waiting for over twothousand and fourtee... Gawd: Never! Trolololol! Moral: "Would you trust a being whose veins are loaded with alcohol?" Jesus 2: The second coming: In cincemas never!

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Well, its Eliza again, sorry to bother you Nero, I always thought you where good looking but I know that when it comes to you its not about the looks, you are far more than meets the eye. Neo-Nero was the guy we met at a certain meeting, the arrogant guy with the big forehead whose arms where shaking remember? I wont reveal more for his sake, he did not mean bad, he was just angry like the rest of us and felt responsible, again like many of us. So when can we meet you? I assume you wont be arriving soon, but Id really apreciate seeing you again, and considering neither I nor my parents (I asked them) have the money to come visit you, id appreciate a loan or something.

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There is two guys named tard and retard on a boat in shallow water. they both fall off. Who gets back up onto the boat? - Obviously Tard because ur dealing with a retard here.

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Why did the little boy run away from the beach? Hurricane Irene.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got ran over.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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Knock knock. Come right on in.

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.why did 6 hate 7 and 8? because they were blocking her from 9!

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I'd feel bad for some skinny guy who lived in a very obese family and only got hand me downs.

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knock knock whos there haha this is a shit joke anyone that reads this is a jimmy saville follower and got fingered up the bum hole violently by him love you

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Why is the Asian 2nd grader sad? Her best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has 3 weeks to live.

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what do you call a guy called Bill? Bill

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Why did old Mary fall off the cliff? There were no brakes on her wheelchair

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why was the man denied his teaching job? because he is a wanted cerial killer in 43 states.

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Did you hear about the Australian man who was jumped by a gang of Americans with knifes? He had his cash and possessions stolen from him, and had to spend two weeks in hospital due to stab wounds.

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Q: What did the lesbian say to her partner? A: We cannot get married in forty five states.

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Did you hear about the man who went up into space without a space suit? He died.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. The worst ones remind you of how horrible your life is.

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What did one fetus say to they other fetus? Nothing they were aborted.

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a blonde walks in to a bar, the bar tender gives him a free drink because he's a man and it's nazi germany

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What's worse than burning your bacon? Finding your daughter decapitated and raped in the basement.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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