Why did the pirate get kicked out of the pirate movie? He killed 7 people while looking for treasure under the seats.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Joe Paterno walks into a police station.

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How many blacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None we have mexicans for that

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How do you teach an old dog a new trick? Answer: You can't

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It's not that hard to be Dyslexic. You just have to accept it nad ovem no.

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Why did suzy not eat her breakfast? because i stapled her to the table.

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What do you call a 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

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What's long, brown, and in the toilet? The chocolate bar I just threw in the toilet.

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You're such a baby, that you are still in diapers! Ew! How would you know creep!

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What's the difference between a lamp?

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Q. Whats does the kid and the dog have in common? A. The kid has Herpes.

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What's black and has the texture of tar? Molasses

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender then looks down and realizes that the pirate has a steering wheel on his penis. "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel on your penis?" the bartender asks. "Arrrrrrr! It's driving me crazy! I just woke up one day and it was there!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon, it looks like it could be very harmful to your health and slightly uncomfortable. Not to mention your penis is out in the open." "You are right, what was I thinking?" The pirate agreed. He proceeded to get his friend to drive him to a hospital, for drinking and driving is not safe, and steering wheels on penises are not healthy.

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Why didnt the teenager have a smartphone? He didnt live close to a cell phone store

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What did the Muslim say to the Jew? Nothing, as he has been deaf since birth and is incapable of forming coherent speech.

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Did you here about the Asian couple who had a stupid baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong

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Why did Bob fall over? He was impaled by a narwhal. -BG

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Q: How fast does an F-16 fly? A: Pretty Fast

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-Knock knock! -Who's there? -Pizza. That'll be 20 bucks. -Here you go. -Thank you.

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A man walked in the kitchen with a gun. He made a sandwich.

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roses are red violets are blue corey mills is and got raped by you

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A blonde was drinking water from the water fountain. She was very thirsty.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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