So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A black man and a mexican are in a car. Whos driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. The mexican, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful time. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Roses are red Violets are blue I want to have sex But no one else wants to

thumb_up thumb_down -14

RUN

thumb_up thumb_down -14

''In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, 'If you want to go forward you put your car in 'D.' If you want to go backward, you put your car in 'R.'' But you know something? Either way, the economy is still F'd.''

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A programmer, and engineer and an accountant meet up for an after work drink. Afterwards they go home to their separate apartments and think how socially inadequate they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Whats the difference between a house and a mouse If you think about it , quite a lot really

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How many lesbians did Tiger Woods bang? None, his standards are much higher than that

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: A plane crashes on the boarder of Mexico and America, where do you bury the survivors. A: You don't because there were none, everyone fucking died!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down -14

two friends are hanging out, one says to the other "whats 5 plus 5" the other says, "you know i didnt finish school and i dont appriceate you making fun of me" the other boy looks away and walks off

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a man covered in bees? Nothing, you'll startle the bees!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

And the girl said: "I'll be ready in 2 hours!"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

how do u wake kesha up? Answer:set her alarm clock to a reasonable time

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why was Justin Beiber Booed off the stage. Because I spelt his last name incorrectly.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

#Getweird

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Have you heard that joke about Helen Keller? No. Neither has she.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what do you call a room with no people in it? empty What do you call a room with over 9000 people in it? a fire hazard

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why does a squirrel have the tail at the back? Because at the front it's the squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whts worse than finding a worm in your apple? butt sex with the devil

thumb_up thumb_down -14

why am i so sexy? I was raised by a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why don't you throw rocks at a black person riding a bike..... It could be yours

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops