You want to know how I got these scars? A horrible knife throwing accident.

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Gordon Brown smiles.

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jibby jobby

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Why did the chicken cross the road!? He was supposed to be dead! You are by far the most incompetent chicken assassin we've ever had. You're fired.

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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What did the oncologist say to his patient? You have terminal cancer.

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A hasidic Rabbi and a member of Hezbollah enter a bar in a Jewish settlement. (No, of course they didn't.)

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Why did the football coach go to the bank? To make a deposit

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Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

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what did the dog say to the mailman? "hey thanks for the mail" the mailman replies "your welcome"

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Womens Rights. Excist in nearly every country on Earth today.

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how many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb. 1 the wife to go buy the light bulb and the husbend to put it in.

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Last words of a redneck - "Hold my beer and watch this"

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Why is it okay to have four cats? Because I said so.

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What happens if you an 3ft size olive, a glob of red paint and rainbow colored glue on a table and rub your arm in it? You get olive, red paint and glue on your arm.

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Why did Jack take a prune out for the evening? A healthy snack as part of a balanced diet.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven's dad owned a shot gun.

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A man walks into a bar and sees two girls making out. He orders a drink and leaves.

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How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side

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Mail Man: *Knocks on door* Guy & Girl: WHAT?! *laughing* Mail Man: Mail! Guy & Girl: Hold on she is almost done with the whip cream.

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Sometimes I sit in the bath and pretend im a bubble

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How did the black guy, get a nice car, house, and attire? He went to college, and got a job.

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Why did the pregnant Mexican cross the border? Nobody knows. She was shot down on site.

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because a fridge hit him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops