How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust What's worse then the Holocaust? Two Holocausts

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what is the difference between jelly and jam? jelly is smoother where jam has chunks of fruit in it...... and i cant jelly my penis down your throat

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Why did the guy run out of the whorehouse? Because when she spread her legs it looked like she was pulling apart a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

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roses are rose, violets are violet, now shut up you retarded poet!

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How do you kill a blonde girl? You put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a filled pool.

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Knock knock Who's there? Justin Bieber OH MY GOD REALLY?! No.

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Just friends, they too pretend to be you and copy the way you write and express yourself, I told them to stop though, Azure threatened someone here a cultist of sorts I think, that does not exactly put us in a better light with the people that where getting our messages, and yes they are coded, I sincerely had no idea though,

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What do you call a muslim flying an airplane? A pilot.

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follow @nils_kosmo on twatter hehe

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I told my doctor I’m the first man on the face of the earth to suffer from morning sickness. He promptly corrected my mistake; my excessive vomiting is actually caused by chemo.

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What did Edward Cullen say to the hot girl? Since I am a vampire it is impossible for me to get an erection.

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What happens when a chemist dies? They are given a proper funeral and buried.

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What's the one good thing about being a paraplegic? Nothing.

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Girl goes to see a sex therapist. Girl says, "Doc, though this has never been a problem, for the past 3 months I have been unable to reach climax. Can you help me?" Doc says, "Yes.". And after an intense 18 months of therapy the doctor helped the girl to discover that her inability to reach climax was related to issues of childhood sexual abuse. And after another 36 months of therapy the girl finally found the courage to confront and forgive her unrepentant abuser, as she realized that by not forgiving him, it was like drinking poison while hoping that he would die. And though the doctor did help her,as he had said, the girl never regained her ability to reach climax again.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor

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A man lying in bed at night rolls over and starts rubbing his wife's back. She says, "Not tonight, honey, I have a headache." Her husband respected her wishes and went to sleep.

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Wish me luck these are the ten numbers on my keno 19 65 80 2 34 72 68 22 12 8

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Rap. Skate. Smoke.

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A bear and a furry bunny rabbit were in the woods. The bear ate the rabbit..

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A Jew, Christian and a Muslim walk into a bar. They have fun there a good time and then they go home.

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jsahgfvdjfhgdehv? oiyduhgfdushy

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A American, a Brit and a Mexican decided to bet on who could tell the funniest joke. The one that won told a great joke indeed.

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What's the difference between you and a bucket of shit? The bucket and the shit. You're a human being.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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