How many clowns fit in a car? Depends how many get in the car.

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What did one volcano say to the other? Nothing. Volcanoes are inanimate objects that do not possess the ability to speak.

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how do you get a cat out of a tree? shoot it

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What is the answer to this joke? Cuz fuck you that's why.

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Wanna hear a riddle? Womens rights

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Q: What's the difference between a grasshopper and pencil? A: Lots

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Why did the man and woman have sex? To have a good time, but the man's condom failed and they ended up with a deformed baby because they were brother and sister. Those are your parents. Enjoy

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What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Give her a time-out. Throwing sharp objects is not okay.

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What's worst than missing a doctors appointment? Having AIDS and missng out on getting a cure that could have gotten rid of your disease.

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What did Thisara say? You cant see me bich

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A construction worker walks into a bar. He says "Ow! That hurt!" And walked in the opposite direction to the manager to complaint about the obvious health code violations of this site.

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Dave:Hi Mark:Hi

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Roses are black. Violets black. Guns are black. My van is black.

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Y R U A B? I don't know why I am a bee.

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A man walked into a bar. He has been in a coma for six weeks now.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was holding hands with the first. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It saw a banana. Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? It slipped. Why did the fifth monkey fall out of the tree? It thought this was all a game. Why did the sixth monkey commit suicide? All his friends were gone.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for his birthday? Nothing, he doesn't have the ability to open a present.

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when i yell your name i probably want your attention :) S.H.

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Why didn't the man fall off his bicycle? Because He wasn't riding a bicycle!

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I'm on a seafood diet. It consists of prawns and tuna.

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A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have testicular cancer........"

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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a read head, a brunet, and a blonde sneak into a merchant ship. security hears some noises and goes on to investigate. all three girls jump into banana sacks. security guard kicks the first sack with the read head in it and she growls like a dog, so the security sees its a dog and keeps on walking. he then kicks the sack with the brunet in it, she goes on to hiss like a cat. so then the security guard kicks the last sack with the blonde in it, and she yells out "bananas!"...the end

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Knock knock. Whose There? Megan Megan Who? Your Wife...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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