What do Michael Jackson and most Catholic priests have in common? They're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's worse than finding a worm in your pork? Finding half of a worm, because the worm you just ate is going to live in your stomach, breed, then come out your butt. Or the Apocalypse.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

what did the chicken say when it crossed the road? you know. chickens arent the only animal that can cross roads! why can it be why did the racoon cross the roads? because that happens more frequently!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Guess what day it is!!! Sunday? Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? Thursday? Friday? Saturday? IT'S HUMPDAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Three men on a journey stop at a farm and ask the farmer if they might be allowed to stay the night. The farmer consents upon one condition: that the visitors not lay a hand on his daughter. The men respected the farmers wishes and left in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the little boy say to a stranger? Nothing. He is very shy, and his parents always said to never talk to strangers.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What Did Gretel say to Hansel? Stop having sex with Ariana Grande!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A guy walks up to a midget and he says: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Roses are red, violets are blue, if you had a pulmonary embolism, you would be too

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's black on bottom and white on top?? Society

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why was the little girl sad? She had a grown man sexually assault her.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

dont be afraid of lard squeezing cause really its just me teasing

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Having a giant, angry ape on steroids rip your heart out and eat it before your eyes as you painfully die from the unbearable pain and rapid blood loss.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Wright flyer

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the fridge break? Because someone threw a fridge at it.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the house. knock knock. who's there? the chicken!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I wrote a funny joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

There's 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving. Probably one of the 2 men.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the man with one arm get for Christmas? A benchpress

thumb_up thumb_down -20

If the Trojan Horse was a deadly deception, is it My Lethal Phony?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says,"Why the long face?" The horse replies,"I have terminal cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down -20

This couple is having the most passionate sex ever one night, and the guy cums before he gets a chance to pull out. He gets the woman pregnant. Now they are married.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops