Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

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That awkward momment when there is no Candy in the Van... <3

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how do you get a happy man to stop smiling? hit him in the face repeatedly untill he is dead.

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Why was the Black person afraid of the chainsaw? Be cause it goes run nigga nigga run nigga nigga run

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Why did the chickens leave McDonalds? Because they refused to have their nuggets deep fried (Wyndellberg)

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How do Chinese parents name their children? With deep thought and consideration about a thoughtful, respectful and honorable name.

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Why did Hunter cross the road? No one cares, unless he gets hit.

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What do you call a man named Cornelius? Well, he prefers to go by his middle name, Eric, because he was teased as a child for being named Cornelius.

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A:knock, knock B:who's there A:come in B:come in who A:me I'm gay

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? Because that would be assault, and not only assault but aggravated assault, since you are using a weapon to do it. Plus, the lawyer would have an advantage over you in court during the trial, due to having a law degree.

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What do you get when you cross a muffin with chocolate chips? A chocolate chip muffin.

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What did the pretty young girl get for her birthday? Cake and presents (get your mind out of the gutter).

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why did the chicken cross the road it didnt

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What did the boy eat for breakfast? Food

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mom theres a naked old man outside my window and he stole dads ladder.

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Which came first? The chicken? Or the egg? Whichever one was more sexually excited i guess.

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timmy has no arms knock knock whos there? NOT TIMMY!!!

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why did the mokey fall out of the tree because it was dead.

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Why'd the aborted fetus cross the road? 9/11

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What did the boy reading a book do? He finished the book and took it back to library.

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Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says wow its hot in here the other muffin said HOLY SHIT ITS A TALKING MUFFIN

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hey

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Q. whats the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? A. I dont jump on my trampoline with metal cleats.

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What do a priest, a rabbi, and an asian have in common? They all don't know each other.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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