what kind of road kill is green and smells like cookies? girl scouts

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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how did the man with just a head hide the fact that he murdered someone? im not sure but this seems highly untrue as someone could not kill someone with just their head.

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What did the octopus say to the lion? Nothing, because the likely hood of a lion and an octopus meeting is incredibly slim, as an octopus is a sea creature, and a lion isn't. A lion and an octopus cant even communicate with each other anyway, so even if they did come across each other they wouldn’t be able to talk. Octopi are also anti-social creatures by nature so I can say with some confidence that the lion and the octopus will not have a convocation. Written By JAMES!

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A man walked into a bar and asked if he could use the toilet The bartender told him that it was for paying customers only The man walked up to the bartender, ordered a drink and then proceeded to go to the toilet He came back feeling refreshed, finished his drink and said his goodbyes

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What's black, white & red all over? A cow in a slaughter house.

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If you'd turn to page 43 you will find the homework. Have a good weekend!

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Why was the fat lady on the Medicine ball? Because she was fat!

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot.

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Q

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roses are red lemons are sour open your legs and give me an hour

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Q:Why did the boy drop his icecream? A: His arm was chopped off by a ninja

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womans rights...

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Why Is Helen Keller such a bad driver? Because she is a woman

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NASCAR

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What do you get when you put a goat and an owl together? A goat and an owl

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your face is kinda funny

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What did one new born baby say to the other new born baby.? Babies don't have teeth therefore they are unable to talk.

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A few lice were drinking wine on a scalp. It is quite strange that a person had wine on their scalp.

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A russian gives away vodka.

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What do you call a cow that's holy? Holy Cow

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once upon a time, a bird fell in love with a fish.. they both died.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally, she has no arms.

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Actually it was me Josh brown

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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