How many squirrels does it take to screw out a light bulb? None because squirrels lack the strength and mind set to screw out a light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. Their domestic handiness was not impeded by their warped sense of entitlement and racial superiority.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

knock knock - whos there whos there -"im confused" try it on someone

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What would Hellen Keller say to Obama? Nothing she can't speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's hairy and sags? A ball sack

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Steve

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do call a man with a daranged wife? Married

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A blind man walked past a fish store. For a second he thought it might be a womens vaginal odor, but then concluded it was most likely a fish store, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Young Billy was arrested today for saying he was going to be a terrorist for Halloween.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How are a black man and a banana similar? They are both intelligent human beings, except for the banana.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the blond get fired from her job at the M&M factory? Because she threw out all the M&M's with W's on them.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are grey Violets are grey I'm a dog

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Person A said: Knock Knock! Person B could not answer the door as he could not hear Person A's announcement of his or her arrival.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A hill billy went fishing

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why couldn't the black guy support his family? He was only 3 years old.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Woman's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down +4

This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

The global news

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q. Where do all funny jokes come from? A. The people who made them up

thumb_up thumb_down +4

jim davidson , nick griffin , and bernard manning walk into a bar , and order a bitter, a lager, and a stout respectfully

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How did the dog die? He was put down.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What goes about 36 miles per hour and screams? A baby attached to a ceiling fan.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops