When life gives you lemons you mix them with vinegar to make a drink that will help your high blood pressure.

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what do a heater and a dead baby have in common? a dead baby is only warm for a small period of time

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Why did Emily fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Emily.

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Sometimes an alligator will bring you apples. Sometimes it won't.

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why is walmart so big? Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping and affordable low prices. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory .

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Why was 10 afraid of 9? Because 9 8 7

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Whats black and blue and red all over? An infant after its been beaten with a bat.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting owl Interrupting owl- HOOOOOOOOOOOO

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You're such a baby, that you are still in diapers! Ew! How would you know creep!

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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what do you call a bird that is gay bird a gaybird

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says "What is this? A joke?" They then proceed to rape the barman.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there" "BOO" "BOO WHO" "No it's just BOO"

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"It smells like Up dog in here." "How do you know what the dog from the movie "Up" smells like? It's computer-animated and not real." "I...I think I have a brain tumor..."

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Guy 1: What is long, hard and full of semen? Guy 2: A submarine. Guy 1: No, my penis.

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What do you call a big hungry duck? A duck thats hungry and big

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What do you call a black priest? HOLY SHIT!!!!

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how do you know if an asian gang has been to your house? 1. your computer is unplugged 2. your homework is finished 3. they are still trying to back out of the driveway

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a kid plays computer games alot and gets carpoltunel in both hands and lives in pain for the rest of his life.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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What did Sally want for Christmas? Nothing, she is Jewish.

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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