How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? About 144 licks but everyone gets different answers because we all lick lollipops differently.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: What's 1 + 1? A: I don't know, I am an African who was bought up in the famine my mother died, my father starved. I have to sell myself to feed my sisters. I never went to school and drink my urine every second day because I have no water.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

a man checks his brand new cellphone to see if he has a text message... He has cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -5

how do you stop a baby from crawling in circles??????? you nail its other hand to the floor

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Did you hear about the little girl who got a bike for her birthday? Shes dying of Terminal Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Dead babies can't paint.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whats cold and can't climb trees? Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Reminds me of when I was a teen, I was working at an elderly home, and there was this really really old woman, and she was leaning forward towards me on her wheelchair, one of her hands accidentally near my crotch, I mean this granny was really senile and shit. Then she went all like, you really like it when I touch you there don't you? I mean it was not the best nor the fastest one, but all that excitement "OMG WHAT IF I GET CAUGHT BY A COLLEAGUE WHILE A 89 YEAR OLD WAS JACKING ME OFF!" Really made it all special folks... Especially when I got caught, it was like OMG STRESS ORGASM HOLY DONT CUM NOOOAAAARGHHHH!!!!!! WOHOOOOOO! I walked outta there like a champ, I was like 18 and my girlfriend/colleague which caught me was like, 27, and the next week she was 32, and before you know it, she was 46 on facebook... Thats like you know... Too old or something...

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call it when you take cheese that isn't yours? Stolen bitch, your under-arrest!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock Knock the door's open, come in

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did Sally fall off the swings? Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not sally

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a black guy who walks into your house and takes your stuff. A repoman, pay your taxes next time

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why can't Stevie Wonder read? Clearly the only answer is because he's blind

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Yo mama so fat when she went to the ocean the whales started to sing we are family even though your fatter than me

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me. I heard you do some pretty nasty things with 9. Sincerely, 7

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A black man and two Mexican men are all in the same car, who's driving? One of the Mexicans.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Your Mom

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What makes you hate life and feel good at the same time? A rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what do you call an exited rectangle? an Erectangle

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like. The man says,"I'm feeling light today so I'll just have some H2O." The man's friend says,"I'm feeling the same. I'll have some H2O, too." The second man died.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

dassa

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Hey, did you see that episode of Glee last night? It was awesome! Especially that scene where they all sang. It wasn't as good as the previous ones, but I think the show it making a comeback.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

p

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops