What did the homeless man say to the man who gave him change? “Mmmm I sure do love pocket lint”

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the homeless guy say to the not-homeless guy? I'm homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Doctor: “Knock Knock” Patient: “Who's there?” Doctor: “The interrupting Doctor” Patient: “The inter- Doctor: You have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How did the black guy get knocked out? He was hit by a fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the kid with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +10

An English couple walk int a Portuguese bar. They never see their daughter again.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A.Because that's where it wanted to go.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what's gray, red, and goes over a 100 mph? a toad in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats deead and gone lewis`s dog. well now it is

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A blonde enters a bar and orders an elevator.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Obamacare

thumb_up thumb_down +8

how did the tree fall on the woman? it didnt, trees dont grow in kitchens

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Three Kids dressed as a bear, a chicken, and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender asks the to leave as they are all under the legal drinking age.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

why did sally fall off the swings she had no arms knock knock whos there not sally

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why doesn't Helen Keller know how to drive? because she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do mermaids wear? Nothing. Mermaids don't exist

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I got into an argument with my friend the other day. He contested that the onion was the only food that could make you cry, so I beat his wife to death with a coconut,

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A program that creates "pointless inventions" and posts them at the wrong sections.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What's worse than stepping a LEGO in the middle of the night? A: A landmine

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What is the difference between a black man and a sofa? A black man is a human being with feelings, while a sofa is an inanimate object that people sit on in order to enjoy comfort and possibly watch television.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Two fish are sitting in a tank. One says, "I'll man the guns. You drive."

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops