Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? Jews are people

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

a man checks his brand new cellphone to see if he has a text message... He has cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the man jump out of the plane? Because the plane was losing fuel fast so he grabbed a parachute and went for it and realized that was the only one left so everyone died a horrible death.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

There was a boy and..........his dad said to go to the store to get his daily thing.........he went to the store and bought it......he came home and said.....HERE ARE THE EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A stipper walked into a club, though it was a golf club so she tripped and cracked her skull on it.The end.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

what does matt daly like to do in his free time anal

thumb_up thumb_down -4

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A girl and a boy where sitting on a couch together. The boy told the girl politly that she hass gained a significant amount of weight and should lose it. She then pulled out a candy bar in her back pocket and shoved it down his throat, to which he suffocated, because she was on her period when to comment was made.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's the difference between a chicken and a 3 legged dog? There are numerous differences. I will not however go into the biological explanations of these differences.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, If a wood chuck could chuck wood? A full study has never been commissioned into the amount of wood chucked by a groundhog and thus far remains an unknown quantity. ls

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why doesn't the chicken cross the road Because his dad got ran over by a car when he crossed the road

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's black and white and red all over? An interracial couple that has just been brutally murdered. If you see this, you should probably notify the local police so that they may investigate the situiation.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

2 black men beat 9 white men in basketball. Why is this so? They were clearly out numbered.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Guess who is violent. Osama

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why can't Anne Frank write a sequel? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Suzy has no arms! Knock Knock! Who's There? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why did the kid sit alone at lunch? he had no friends

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's worse than a baby falling? A baby fall in a pit of tar What did the baby say on the way down? "weeeeeee"

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A black guy bought fried chicken and grape soda and decided to eat in the park. He had a sip of the grape soda and said "aaaaaaahhh grape drank!" There was a man dressed in a grape coustume drinking out of the fountain.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did Sally fall off the swing She had no arms Knock knock. Who's there? Not sally

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being molested by a giant octopus.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

People made fun of a plant for walking into a bar. Little did they know it hadn't been watered for days.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops