Q. What did the 300 pound Asian get for Valentine's day A. A jetpack. Except for the fact that the previous sentence was an obvious lie making this whole joke irrelevant.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did the doctor say to the recently diagnosed AIDS patient? I'm sorry there is nothing we can do.

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Q:why is walmart so big? A:Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of Walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory .

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Knock Knock Who's There? A rapist

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how does chuck norris eat an apple Just like every other person

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What has stripes, isn't a virgin, and has golden hands? I don't know I asked you first.

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A dog walks into a bar. He's a service animal, so this is allowed.

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Q. What is the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser? A. Depth Perception.

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What is red and ragging? A Hemorrhoid

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Many people believe that dogs are mammals. They're right

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Why celebrate your birthday, its just getting closer and closer the death.

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EVERYONE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND!! DYSLEXICS ARE TEOPLE POO!

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yo momma so old that when she whent to school there was no history class

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A man walks into a bar and poops his pants. He left because of the embarrassment.

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what is long on joe? Not his dick thats for sure.

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What is worse than the holocaust Nothing it was fine with the Jews in camps burning and dying

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What's brown and sticky? A black man's dick after raping you.

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You know Hellen Kellers retarded? No shes blind and deaf. Ehhh same thing.

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What device will find furniture in a poorly lit room every time? An infrared camera.

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When life gives you lemons, Commit felonies

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what happens when you throw a rock in the water? it gets wet

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she was born with no arms and is not loved.

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Why is cameron haythorp gay? Answer- He showed his willy to robet tuner

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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