There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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you walk into a bar Griffin: 'are you ok'

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What's pink and when you press a button it turns red? A baby in a blender. What's pink and when you hit it against the wall sounds metallic? A baby with two forks stuck in its eyes.

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why did the boy have no friends? cause he was smelly

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I scream. You scream. We all scream. Because there is a rapist in the room.

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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The Charlotte Bobcats winning more than 10 games

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What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

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How did little Sally break her Nintendo DS? Her abusive father repeatedly abused her and punished her until she was thrown into a stone wall. As she went into the wall she crushed by another wall and broke the DS.

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A kangaroo walks into a bar and says "Lipstick is the blood of all wounds." The bartender does not know how the kangaroo said this or why.

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What did the elephant say to the zebra? Nothing, elephants can't talk.

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What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson? A collision, if Michael Jackson were alive.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Evicted.

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What's white and horny? a unicorn.

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where do you find a dog with no legs? Korea. It's customary for the guests to get the drumsticks.

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Q) What is the difference between an elephant and a toaster? A) Do you seriously not know the difference between an elephant... and a toaster?

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Why couldn't little Tiffany play kickball with the rest of the kids during recess? Tiffany is a pencil.

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Roses are black violets are black We are all black?! SHIT IM COLOUR BLIND

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What do you call an animal that is blue, fluffy and lives in the arctic? I don't know and that's why I'm asking you.

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what happened when Bob told a joke? Joe laughed.

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oh, brown loaf is fine, i'm on my bike.

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Cornelius went to the dcotor and got a sticker and a lollipop for being a good patient. He later went home and shoved the lollipop stick up his dick hole and started wildly masturbating. I forgot to mention Cornelius was 42 years old.

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Q: What's worse than school? A:Your mum dying

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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