Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because she had no arms or legs.

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-Why didn't a girl cry after she fell down with her bike? -Because a handlebar pinned her lung.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven kind of looked like an alligator.

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1)Where do you find a turtle with no legs? 2)Where? 1)Where you left it. 1)... Knock Knock... 2)Who's there? 1)...Not the turtle...

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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How do you catch an elephant? Dig a nice deep hole in the ground, and fill it with ashes. Next, line the outside of the hole with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

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what do you call two indian men lying next to each other? i dont think there is a name for it but im sure you call them by there names.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was suicidal, and this wasn't just any road. It was the new highway built, with frequent traffic jams and a speed limit of 90 mph.

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Up until today I thought eminem was the lead singer for maroon 5

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Q:What does a wheel a triangle and a circle all have in common A:There all round, I lied about the triangle.

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What did the children say when the magician pulled a rabbit out of his hat? Nothing, but the parents called Animal Control, and the magician was imprisoned after a dog-fighting ring was discovered in Michael Vick's estate.

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What did the coney say to the hotdog? At least i kill people.

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What's worse than a car going backwards on the highway? A steamroller going backwards on the highway.

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Mr. T watched "the notebook"

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Q: How do you make a clown stop laughing? A: Hit it in the face with an axe

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*Knock Knock* "Who's There?" "Delivery" "Oh right, I just ordered pizza"

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A Muslim walks into a bar No-one survives the blast

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Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

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I was once a hamster.

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why can't the bat see? Because it's made of metal

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roses are grey violets are grey im color blind

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What's the difference between Colonel Sanders and a barrel of olives? Colonel Sanders isn't in a barrel.

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What's better than winning the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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What is the difference between a bear and berries? No idea? You better stay out of the forest...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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