roses are red pickles are green i like your legs and whats in between

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Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because she had no arms or legs.

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-Why didn't a girl cry after she fell down with her bike? -Because a handlebar pinned her lung.

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What do you do when life hands you lemons? Go home, look for the ingredients on which to make proper, delicious lemonade. Afterward, I would go in the front yard, make a stand, then make a sign that says $1.00 lemonade. Then you know make millions on your master-mind plan that no one else ever thought of.

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A Blonde, a brunette, and a redhead where hiding from the police They were all shot and all died because they were playing Grand Theft Auto 5

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Bill and John are talking about types of cheese. The conversation drags on a bit and slowly changes topic. Bill says "I bet you I can bungy jump off a bridge". John chuckles before replying "I bet you can't". They go and find a bridge and Bill puts on his harness and ties himself to the side of the bridge. He throws himself off the edge and falls through the air screaming at the top of his voice. John cuts the bungy cord and Bill dies.

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Whats fat yellow and diabetic Brett lai lan

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Getting all F's on your report card isnt that bad.... I mean you could go home to find your whole family murdered and your Girlfriend hanging from a noose.

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An Italian, a Mexican, and an American are eating lunch on a bridge. The Mexican drops his taco off the side of the bridge and the Italian and American were kind enough to share some of their lunch with the Mexican making it a successful picnic. Their ethnicity was not relevent at all.

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How do you catch an elephant? Dig a nice deep hole in the ground, and fill it with ashes. Next, line the outside of the hole with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

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So i was writing a letter to my girlfriend on valentines day right ? So this is how it goes . " hey lisa happy volentines day!" my black friend walks up to me and says" its a mightyfine day out! " The moral of the story is... Tomatoes can't fly planes

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? His name.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven kind of looked like an alligator.

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If she's old enough to count, she's probably in second grade.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I will ask you one question, and that will determine whether you can enter Heaven. Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" "No," the man replies, "I always made sure to apologize." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Q: Why is it funny to laugh at gay men? A: They like men.

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I believe if Floyd Mayweather fought Muhammad Ali I believe it would be a close fight but Floyd would win. Because Ali has Parkinson's

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whats the diffrents beetween a footballer and a hat nothing i lke chesse

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Sex vagina. lol.

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why did jenny get 22 turnovers in a basketball game? because jenny has down syndrome

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A: Knock knock B:The door is open.

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What do astronauts and Wayne Rooney have in common? I don't know. Ok.

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Many people of many races do many things every day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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