What do you do if you walk in on your wife atempting to hang herself in the living room? Ask her to leave the living room, as it would be ironic.

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Q: What do you get when you cross an alcoholic and a sex addict? A: A baby

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You have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars. You both have the same amount of money.

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Q: What would George Washington do if he were alive today? A: Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Pigachu is a Porkemon.

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What do you call a 9 year old with no friends? A Sandyhook survivor.

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What's black and hangs from trees in my backyard? Blackberries! -by Ross

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What do you call a Knight who farts a lot? Sir Farts-a-lot

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anti jokes are gay...your all gay

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Why did the tornado cross the road? Because it's a tornado, that's what tornadoes do.

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yo mama so old that back in her school she didnt have history class

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one.It is a very simple task for somebody who knows what to do.

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What do you call a fat man who can turn slim? I don't know

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A man says to another man, "Why the long face?" He then replies, "I have an elongated face, hands, and feet due to acromegaly."

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How many hookers fit in your bed? 12, if you have a king-sized bed, and 8.7 if you have a queen-sized bed.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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You read this in school as a crowd of kids stand behind you laughing at your screen

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So three philosophers walk into a bar. Is it necessarily the case that they walk into a bar?

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Yo mamma so black, she uses armor all instead of lotion...

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this is madness! Madness? no, nevah... THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!! NO, THIS IS PATRICK!!!

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Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional Courtesy

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Why did the man have a heart attack? Because he suffered from high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease.

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A young man was lost wandering in a field, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a scary southern man with a shotgun in hands. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will shoot you with this shotgun." He couldn't have sex with the daughter because he has severe erectile dysfunction.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops