What happens when you give a math problem to a blonde? She works through it to arrive at the answer.

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What did the foreigners do to pass time? They blew up the twin towers.

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If you are riding on a boat and all the wheels fall off, how many pancakes would it take to make a dog house? It does not matter because fish don't like tomatoes.

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"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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What does a cow do at McDonald's? He is eaten by obese people.

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What is 9 inches long, the same colour as my skin, and makes my girlfriend gag when I shove it down her throat? Her Miscarriage.

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Why are soccer players sad? They couldn't play Football.

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What is better than a dead baby nailed to a tree? A dead baby nailed to 10 Trees.

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What do you call a dead man walking? Someone on death row.

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What is the meaning of life? Definitions of life on the Web: a characteristic state or mode of living; "social life"; "city life"; "real life" the experience of being alive; the course of human events and activities; "he could no longer cope with the complexities of life" the course of existence of an individual; the actions and events that occur in living; "he hoped for a new life in Australia"; "he wanted to live his own life without interference from others" animation: the condition of living or the state of being alive; "while there's life there's hope"; "life depends on many chemical and physical processes" the period during which something is functional (as between birth and death); "the battery had a short life"; "he lived a long and happy life" the period between birth and the present time; "I have known him all his life" the period from the present until death; "he appointed himself emperor for life" a living person; "his heroism saved a life" liveliness: animation and energy in action or expression; "it was a heavy play and the actors tried in vain to give life to it" living things collectively; "the oceans are teeming with life" the organic phenomenon that distinguishes living organisms from nonliving ones; "there is no life on the moon" biography: an account of the series of events making up a person's life a motive for living; "pottery was his life"

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Knock knock. Who's there? Jane from next door. Hi Jane how can I help you? Just wondering if my sister could use the spare spot on your drive tomorrow afternoon around 3pm? She is coming round for tea. I'm very sorry but my wife is due back around that time. Not a problem, thanks anyway. Have a great day. Bye Jane, see you soon, sorry again.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with an alligator? Go take some acid and find out for yourself

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Q:What's the difference between a turtle and a cat? A: One's a turtle and the other is a cat....

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Whats long and hard and women like to suck on them? A popsicle or long lollipop

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What does a dishwasher and the holocaust have in common? Not much.

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Q. Why can't Stevie wonder read? A. Because he is black

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How many jews does it take to change a baby's diper? I don't know my wife will do it.

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Why was the black man arrested? Tax evasion.

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How many dead body can you hide in a hole? 100. Forget the fat guy

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Yo mamas so fat, when she jumps in a pool she displaces a disproportionate volume of water.

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A blind man is jumped and doesn't see it coming

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Where do bees go to the bathroom? In the hive - they're incontinent.

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Q:why did the man jump of the house A:he did not I threw a frige at him

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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