Q:What do you do when you see a talking raccoon A:Quit the LSD

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How did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it died. how did the second monkey fall out of the tree? because it was stapled to the other monkey.

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How do chinese families name their children I belive it would be child because chinese families are only allowed 1 child

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roses are red violets should be purple

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That is so fetch

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A male paltypus usually possesses two poisonous goads under his forelegs. Which makes him potentially more dangerous than a dragon.

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What do you call a lump on your penis? STD

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Knock Knock Who's there? Johnny Johnny who? Johnny your son let me in mom! Son, I have something to tell you. What? Well, you're actually adopted *sobs*

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Your mom is so fat she could consider going on biggest loser, where she might be able to make a lot of money.

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Your mom is so old, that she should probably up her B-12 intake to avoid sickness.

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c:

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What did Goldilocks say to the Three Bears? No one knows. Her remains were discovered three weeks later.

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I called this hot girl up from class one day. She told me to come over because no one was home. I got to her house, and no one was home.

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God made Coke God made Pepsi God made me, Oh so sexy

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A plane crashes near an uncharted island with a low supply of fresh water and hardly any animals, except for a few deadly ones. How do the survivors live until rescuers show up? -There were no survivors from the plane crash

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Why did the baby fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second baby fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first baby. Why did the third baby fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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a jewish man with a boner walks into a wall what does he hit first his cheek due to the fact he was looking at an attractive woman

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Q: Why did the wihte man buy a burger? A: cuz he was hungry

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Why'd The Chicken Cross The Road? He Crossed The Road To Stand In An Icecream Line , Where A Little Boy Stood Infront Of Him, The Chicken Was Scared To Cross The Road Again To Get To The Other Side Because He Saw The Little Boy Get Hit By A Bus. So The Chicken Decided The Best Thing To Do Was To Sit Under A Tree , Where A Big White Thing Fell On Him , It Was A Fridge, Once The Fridge Hit The Ground Mexicans Ran Out And Then Explained To There Local Chickens What Crossing The Street Can Cause Them. To Be Dead. Moral: Dont Let A Chicken Cross The Road. :)

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What do an octopus and a cat have in common? They are both multicellular organisms that are living creatures, and therefore are both sentient and can perform simple tasks and make simple decisions.

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What do fish and shoe laces have in common? nothing.

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An old man, and his daughter are walking down the street. They are having a nice time, until the daughter turns around to see the old man lying on the ground in pain because of the crippling arthritis in his back that has caused him agony and discomfort for years.

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When A Shouty Man Goes Into His House. His Sister Nearly Kills Him So When A Shouty Man Goes Into A Library. The Books Try To Kill Him.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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