Q. I'm not hot, I'm not cold I'm not young, I'm not old I'm not lame, I'm not cool I'm not smart, and I'm not a fool. What am I? A. Text

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why did the boy fall off his bicycle? because his dad threw a refrigerator at him.

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How do you stop a baby from drowning? Take your foot of his head

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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NO! Nero created the MULTIVERSE During the sixth day... And on the seventh... He did not get any sleep or rest either...¨ SO THE GREAT EXPLOSION OF ENDORPHIN'S WAS CREATED AND IT WAS GOOD! Moral:"Seriously, get lost, only the trio of the Gods Me,Myself, and I, are worthy of this tribulation!

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What do you get when you cross a squirrel and lasagna? I don't know,I'm asking you the question.

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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What did Jesse's friend say to Jesse? Hello Jesse

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A boy says he is going to commit suicide. To stop him, a friend tells him not to do it, he'll regret it later in life.

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A man and woman walk into a funeral home. They are both very sad about the loss of their father who they loved dearly.

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What does a black kid get for Christmas? Your bike

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-Children! Come inside! -Why? -We are going out...

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Man: I just bought this hearing aid Friend: How much did it cost Man: No it's 8 o'clock

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How do you stop a lawn mower? You throw a baby under it.

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What's worse than burning a candle. Burning the bible. -Juanita

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing set? Because she died. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Lucy.

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What did the cancer patient get for his birthday HIV

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You die of loss of blood, under a pile of first-aid kits

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Biting into an orange and finding Helen Kellar

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Roses are red, violets are blue, Gee, I wish I could partake in even the first two lines of this stanza, but alas, I have colourblindness.

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A homosexual and a heterosexual bump into each other on the street. But its okay, because although they both lead very different lifestyles, they are open minded enough to respect each others choices and both apologize and keep walking.

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whats the diffrence between a lawnmower and a sack of dead babies? I dont have a lawnmower in my garage

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Knock Knock. Whose there? Orange. Orange who? Both your parents are dead John.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face" The horse responds "My daughter has cancer"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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